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Give me space

Day 75 5/29/20

Now that school is finished and my kids have no more work to do in addition to the extreme heat we had this week, it almost feels as though the days are getting longer.

Summer is here (oh right, the days are getting longer) and there are still very little opportunities for our children. Things are reopening and people seem to be more likely to go outside without masks, give me a look for still wearing a mask and I them for not wearing one. But we are still social distancing and staying away from friends.

I went to buy tape today and to send a package, alone. Those are things I wouldn't have done a week ago. And yet I still feel as though I am feeling suffocated.

My children follow me wherever I go, I come back from an errand and I haven't even turned off the car yet, and they are opening the door, hugging me and stating how much they've missed me (I was gone for 20 minutes). I go for a walk and within five minutes I get a voice message from my partners phone, from my daughter, that she misses me, I get a text on hangouts from my son that its boring without me and as much as I know I should be flattered, I CANT BREATH.

There are two reflections I have from this:

  1. My children are in need of interaction and in lieu of peer based social interaction they are "using", "sucking", "leeching" on to any interaction they can get. Even if it's from me. It is unnatural for kids to play without playmates.

  2. I need social interaction too but more so, i need a break from my very full nest. I know in the future I will be begging them to spend time with me but it's day 75!

Today they moved their chairs so close to me at dinner, I couldn't even bend my elbows. Hugging me while I'm trying to eat will definitely frustrate me, especially if it knocks my food off my plate and on to my FRIDAY CLEAN DAY floor.

Surprisingly, my 3 year old has loosened her clench. She has begun to latch to her siblings and father too. Seems like she is gaining a lot from her sibling interaction. At preschool she was having trouble making friends because they sometimes wanted to do something other than what she wanted.

Yes, restrictions have loosened. We are still being careful, listening to the experts and not the politicians. I will have to find an outlet for some needed breathing exercises. And lastly, I need to tell my kids, I'm going in my room now for a break, here are your options:

  • read a book

  • listen to a book

  • play

  • go outside

  • draw

  • color

  • and if they need more direction: collect every shade of green you can from the outdoors and show me in 30 minutes. Now go glue it to a piece of cardboard and show me in 20 minutes (not before)

Have a restful evening, weekend and don't forget to breath!

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